Through Different Eyes

I am one of those people who finds rail travel romantic.  Yes, I know.  Train travel is not necessarily the fastest way to get between point A and B, and often times rail travel across country can be darn right unreliable (someday I'll relate my travels on Amtrak's Desert Wind...I know unreliable).  But there is something magical about the train that transforms the view out the window. 

While I've seen it happen in many different ways, the most stunning was at the end of one of my most recent trips.  I was sitting in the train as it rolled into the town that I had grown up in.  Along the south side of the train, a four lane unlimited access highway dotted with big box stores and restaurants, a mall and a junior high school, and church after church paralleled the train tracks.  I'd traveled this road many times.  I could probably drive it blindfolded and not miss a light or turn into the wrong parking lot.  But somehow, looking out the window, I saw my old stomping ground through new eyes.  By moving north 100 feet and elevating myself, my hometown looked as new and foreign to me as had Cumberland, Maryland and Martinsburg, West Virginia had earlier in my trip. 

Strangely, I was reminded of this while I was sitting in my seat at a pre-season Colts game this evening.  I was sitting behind a family of Packers fans (though they all professed to be Colts fans second).  The family consisted of mom, dad, a boy of about 8 and a girl of about 10.  Unlike many of the other opposing team fans I've had the "pleasure" to sit with, this family was polite and friendly, and their enjoyment of the game and their enthusiasm was very clear.  Maybe the reason that they were so polite and friendly was because this was a pre-season game and the outcome didn't matter.  But that's also what makes their enjoyment and enthusiasm so unique.

Where most people see pre-season games as a chore, something to attend so tickets, either their own or their friend's,don't go unused, this family enjoyed this for what it was:  an opportunity to see their favorite team in a beautiful stadium under the star-spangled sky with their family. 

A couple of years ago, I took my neighbor girl (a self-professed Jaguars fan) to the first pre-season game played in Lucas Oil Stadium.  I was prepared to take her to the game, watch through the first half and head home.  But it became obvious from the moment we parked that she was enthralled.  Her eyes were wide as we went into the stadium.  She cheered for every third string player that got on the field.  She thought the stadium hot dog was gourmet food and she refused to leave until the clock read triple zeros after the fourth quarter had been played.  On our way out, she drug her feet, agonized over just the right souvenir to purchase that would remind her of her first NFL game.

And throughout the night, she showed me what it was like to be a kid again, by seeing things through her eyes.

I can't for us to discover the world again by looking through our child's eyes, where everything old and familiar becomes new again.

Helping the Lord Help Us

I believe that God has a plan for all of us, and that His plan is perfect.  I believe that God will give us everything we need to live a good life.  I believe that God is good.

I am also a firm believer that God helps those who help themselves. 

My philosophy on this topic is pretty well illustrated by a funny parable I once heard that has stuck with me for years.  The story goes like this:

An elderly man named Mr. Jones lived in a home in the low lands by the river.  One day, after a bad storm had moved through the area, neighbors pulled up to Mr. Jones's home in a truck and called out to him.  "Mr. Jones, come with us.  The river is rising and you will be in danger if you stay."  Mr. Jones shook his head and sent them away with the comment, "I'm not worried.  The Lord will save me!"

Hours later, with the water flooding the first story of his home, a boat arrived at his door and the men inside called out to him, "Mr. Jones, we've come to take you to safer ground!  Please get in the boat!"  Mr. Jones shook his head and sent them away with the comment, "I'm not worried.  The Lord will save me!"

A few hours after the boat left, the water had risen to the second story and had forced Mr. Jones to the roof of his home.  Hovering above him was a helicopter.  A man leaned out from the helicopter, lowered a rescue basket and said, "Mr. Jones, we're here to rescue you!  Please get in the basket!"  Mr. Jones shook his head and sent them away with the comment, "I'm not worried.  The Lord will save me!"

Soon the water destroyed the house, washing it away, and with it, Mr. Jones.  His next conscious thought was while he was standing in front of the Lord in heaven.  He looked at the Lord with confusion and said, "Lord, I thought you were going to save me!  I had faith in you.  What happened?"

The Lord responded, "I sent you a truck, a boat and a helicopter.  What more did you want?"

Sometimes, God's intervention comes in ways that we don't expect, and it's important not to be so biased that you can't see what you aren't really looking for. 

In this new era of social networking, statistics say that nearly 10% of adoption matches are made through personal networking.  That means that about 20 of my agency's clients will match with an expectant mother through their own networking efforts.  I don't know that our efforts will result in us being one of those 20, but I do know that if we don't make any efforts, we certainly won't be.

So we've put together profile letters, purchased business cards to leave places we visit, created a Facebook page (www.facebook.com/toniandtroy), begged people to "like" us on said Facebook page, created a YouTube page, tracked the views and hoped for comments, created a profile website (www.iheartadoption.org/users/toniandtroy) and checked our inbox several times a day. 

I pray to God every night that women in unplanned pregnancies will feel the blessing of His love and comfort as they weigh their options.  I pray that we will soon be blessed with a child. And I pray that He will make us worthy of the holy vocation of parenthood through His mercy and grace.  And then the next day, I continue to work on our marketing plan, because maybe this technology is the vehicle God is sending us to fulfill His plan for our family.

Why everyone should do a homestudy

A homestudy is an integral part of the adoption process.  Though it does include a visit to the home, the homestudy really is a much more complex process of criminal background checks, employment verification, personal references, medical exams, interviews and pre-adoption education.  It's a collection of information that allows a social worker to determine, to the best of his or her ability, the stability of our relationships, our fitness to be parents and our preparedness for parenting a child who was adopted. 

After the frustration of infertility and the lack of control in the adoption process, many prospective adoptive parents vent their frustration on the homestudy process.  It isn't uncommon to hear the lament, "Why do so many good people who would be great parents have to jump through so many hoops when other people don't have any prerequisites to have kids?" or the more direct, "I know people who should have to go through a homestudy to see if they would be allowed to parent."

I think everyone should go through the process of a homestudy, whether they are looking to adopt or ready to start their family biologically.  Not for what it tells someone else, but for what it tells you about yourself.  It isn't about someone else telling you you are ready to parent, but rather putting yourself in the best mindset to parent. 

Through the process of interviews and autobiographies, it gave me an opportunity to put my life in perspective, especially my relationships with others.  With all the coming and going that is part of life, it's easy to forget to appreciate the things you love about your spouse, your family, your work and your life.  Having a reason to reflect on those things lets you reassess all of the other activities in life and makes you really appreciate what you have.  It helps you reaffirm the choices you've made in life and maybe even point out a few that you would have changed.

This reevaluation and perspective can only make people better parents and strong families, either biological or adoptive.

Putting the "Active" in Actively Waiting Part 1: Do Something!

Ask anyone who has been through IVF what the hardest part was and they'll probably tell you the dreaded two week wait.  It's the time after the procedure where you are injecting viscous oily hormones into your backside with a big long needle while you over-analyze every twinge, pain, and flutter of your body trying to determine whether the little embryos burrowed in and are growing.  There is nothing you can do but wait. And though it only takes two weeks, it feels like it has taken years by time you either break down and pee on a stick or stand strong and go in for your blood test.

Needless to say, it was the waiting that caused me the greatest struggle.

So now, we're in the same position.  Waiting.  Though this time it is actually labeled "actively waiting" which makes me chuckle.  But in reality, something I thought was just an ironic little label is actually an instruction.  I need to be active during my wait, or else I will drive Troy totally batty (and he's the most patient person I know...what does that say about me?)

So I need a hobby or to take up a sport.  Actually, I just need to find something to do with myself until I can be immersed in football and marching band.  Once the Fighting Irish, the Colts and PuntersArePeopleToo (my fantasy football team) kick off and the marching musicians hit the field, time will simply fly.  But until then, I need to do something.


I'm not a particularly athletic person.  You know that dart player guy in the Zoosk commercial (chicka-KOW)?  Well, I'm not even that skilled.  I have poor balance, no grace, little strength and a right ankle that is probably held together with chicken wire and duct tape and which sprains if you look at it funny (see, there it goes!).  But (on most days) even I can walk, can't I?  And if you add a backpack, high topped boots, a trekking pole and reduce the path from a four foot wide cement ribbon to a twelve inch wide winding and uneven dirt footpath, well then it becomes a sport!  I'm finally an athlete!  Well, at least as much as that dart player is!

So off we go, visiting the quiet forests, scenic lake shores and dried creek beds of southern Indiana's hill country.  It feels good to accomplish something concrete, something quantifiable.  To do something physical and challenging that makes your muscles ache and your blood hum.  And a nice little walk in the woods, of say 10 miles, well, it does a little something for the soul, too.