The Power of Words

One of the things I absolutely deplore about today's society is the phrase, "Just keepin' it real," which apparently means that whatever rude thing that I have just said must be forgiven because I am just telling it the way I see it and you can't judge me or my rudeness. 

The fact is, our words have power, and throughout this adoption process, I have come into contact with some very well-meaning people who have no idea how the words that they use betray society's deep held beliefs that adoption is a shameful failure.

For example, I've heard the very common term "give up for adoption" frequently used to describe the process from the prospective of a birth parent.  Until I started this journey, I would say the same thing.  But look at what is implied in those four simple words.  It implies that the people who sought adoption for their birth child were throwing in the towel.  They just weren't trying hard enough.  They simply quit on their child and the responsibilities of parenthood. 

By and large, these women don't abandon their children.  They are carefully weighing their options.  They are making a very conscientious decision.  And they are are doing something all good parents do: they are making a choice with the best interest of their child outweighing their personal desires. 

I'd like to invite you to use the alternative when discussing a birth parent's decision: "placing a child in an adoption".  Making a placement plan implies forethought, and effort, and concern.  And that is what the reality is for most of these women.  And that's just keepin' it real.